A Virtual Canvas

What if Jesus was serious when he said...take everything you have and give it to the poor, take your cross, follow me, risk everything, lose your life...all for my sake. What if he meant it?

Lately I have had so many mixed feelings about so many things. Frustrations with the church, and frustrations with my spiritual life, questions and issues that have been just plaguing my mind on how exactly do I serve this God that I know is real and in my life? How do I serve him with my life, when for one there are so many different views for his church and I just haven't been able to put my finger on the right one.

I've been feeling like what is the point of church. Now don't get me wrong, I think that church is extremely important. The church is the family of God and he has commanded us to "do" church. But "going" to church on this designated day, to go to a building where so many people get lost in the crowd, so many just go to go and sit and think about whats for lunch or actually listen, but never ask questions and never feel anything. I think Church is great, but lately it's just been bothering me. There is a huge disconnect, I feel. We are going to this place, but we are not really sure why, or how to do this thing we have been commanded to do effectively. What if we came and we mingled together, and shared our fears, our struggles, our questions, talked, discussed, grew together, dined on his supper, prayed at his feet, worshiped, what if??? Why a building why pews why dresses??? Who are we glorifying in this?

Well today I received a revelation. I don't know where the issue of church will fit in this yet, but lately, I have been thinking that I need to find a career that is suited for me. So that when I graduate I can get a job, make money get a family, and go to church, do mission work etc. But it hit me today. This is the American Dream. NOT my dream. A career is wonderful. But its not my vocation. Jesus is my vocation and the career that I chose has to fit that. I believe that my life needs to be radical. Jesus was radical, his disciples were radical...they were "rooted" in the way of Jesus, of showing this world there is a better life. I believe that I need to use my gift, art, in my vocation, and my career should fit this. Now what that career will be or how I will achieve this I have NO idea, but I do know that it will be in the states, and that God will lead me.

There are so many here in our country that are lost. I want to be able to help. I want my life to be a beacon...not a strobe light, but a gentle beacon shouting Jesus through my actions, not through bible bashing, no....through LOVE. As Shawn Claiborne says, there are many seekers of his kingdom that can not find Jesus because the lives of Christians around them are making such horrid noise they can't hear the whisper of Jesus himself. I want to spread his whisper. I have no idea what I will do in the future...but I want to start right now. I am sick of saying I want to go on a mission trip....because I am in a mission field. I want to act. And I am frustrated because I can't figure out where to start. I pray he will lead me....and I know he will.