I stare within my constant vision,
a light and quiet peace.
Viewing only what I can see with
my mortal eye, oh how much more
seeps through beyond what is
touchable, what is questionable and tame.

What do we hold in our minds...a reality
set in stone. Who holds to the key
to the richest price, richest of fair.
The key to the very air that
whispers our thoughts and steals
our breath away
as our lips take in the smell,
and our noses instruct
the senses to the vast realm
beyond.

I am but a leaf in this tree...but
a droplet of dew upon a blade of grass,
smothered among a vast field of
impressible, uncontainable
organic beauty.

I'm longing for something.
Something alive, cold,a breathing beating something...
that could awaken my sleeping body and
strike a fire within me.

I need something maddening and crashing,
an awakening of self. Who will come to
feed...to give this need. And all I am hoping for is
useless.

Step once onto the rocky soil, and feel the wind around
my face, wisp wishing inside my hair. The smell of
blood is in the air..an erie silence fills the ear.
Something is coming, a light is blooming, a change is
near, it's looming over me.

I see a cloud in the distance, swirling into a shivery
dark mass of anger and pain, filled with the tears
of a thousand years. Champions and warriors, the
blood and sweat of a thousand men all poured out in
this one thunderous cloud. I gaze under
and my eyes fall upon him.
Blood...oh it drips through his eyes, mixing with tears as he cries..
father forgive them. Before he takes his last breath,
he stares me straight in the eye.

Oh what a maddening, earth shattering, heart moldering, gut
wrenching, mind blowing fire. This fire that has
consumed me. That man who I guess knew me, very well indeed..
he suffers, he cries, he wails, he suffocated right in front of my eyes.

He has convicted me. He is awakened me. That what I do on this Earth, the least of these, is done to bind up the wounds of the world, is done for he.

Oh Jesus you died. You died, you freely gave what I never could have given. You surely gave away all the love I'm too scared to give. Must I keep living like I never knew you, like you were just a flower crushed on the ground.

Your alive...and oh that scarlet blood, shall it wash me, so that my hands can give even an ounce of cleansing to this world...and give glory to you.

I think Im breathing...and I want to pass it on.

I feel like I have been more confused in the last month than any time in my life. But it is a strange confusion, because I feel like my eyes are open and my lungs are breathing...for the first time. The first time I feel Jesus. I feel him in my life and i see my purpose in my life. I just feel like so much of my life has been full of me...and what I need, what I want. Its been all about my issues and for the first time in my life I can stop and see him.

It feels like I'm breathing...feels like I'm moving. I finally get it. I need to have nothing but him in my life. Because if I am to give people hope and love...then I have to have him. Because I can not hope in anything outside of him. NOTHING. Nor love anything outside of him. Because he IS love and hope. HE IS. the I AM is LOVE. THE I AM is HOPE.

I want to be a teacher. I want to be one of "those" teachers. The ones that are a beacon of light to their students. The ones that can be trusted with anything..the classrooms that are not classrooms but rooms of refuge, away from the norm of public school chaos. I want to be that...to minister...to share..to be there. So many times in public school, I saw so many just dying for attention...calling out...and there was nothing...only those few teachers that actually cared. That were not only there to get a pay check...the ones that could have been making so much more money...but chose to be there. I feel like there needs to be more cushions there...cushions that break the falls of these kids...that tend to slip through the cracks. BREAK SILENCES...silences that are deadly...that break kids to breaking points where they will be willing to kill, to steal, to take their own lives...in order to feel or be noticed. WHAT IF SOMEONE WAS THERE TO LISTEN?????? WHAT IF SOMEONE WAS THERE TO CRY WITH THEM? Maybe so much pain could be spared.