I think Im breathing...and I want to pass it on.

I feel like I have been more confused in the last month than any time in my life. But it is a strange confusion, because I feel like my eyes are open and my lungs are breathing...for the first time. The first time I feel Jesus. I feel him in my life and i see my purpose in my life. I just feel like so much of my life has been full of me...and what I need, what I want. Its been all about my issues and for the first time in my life I can stop and see him.

It feels like I'm breathing...feels like I'm moving. I finally get it. I need to have nothing but him in my life. Because if I am to give people hope and love...then I have to have him. Because I can not hope in anything outside of him. NOTHING. Nor love anything outside of him. Because he IS love and hope. HE IS. the I AM is LOVE. THE I AM is HOPE.

I want to be a teacher. I want to be one of "those" teachers. The ones that are a beacon of light to their students. The ones that can be trusted with anything..the classrooms that are not classrooms but rooms of refuge, away from the norm of public school chaos. I want to be that...to minister...to share..to be there. So many times in public school, I saw so many just dying for attention...calling out...and there was nothing...only those few teachers that actually cared. That were not only there to get a pay check...the ones that could have been making so much more money...but chose to be there. I feel like there needs to be more cushions there...cushions that break the falls of these kids...that tend to slip through the cracks. BREAK SILENCES...silences that are deadly...that break kids to breaking points where they will be willing to kill, to steal, to take their own lives...in order to feel or be noticed. WHAT IF SOMEONE WAS THERE TO LISTEN?????? WHAT IF SOMEONE WAS THERE TO CRY WITH THEM? Maybe so much pain could be spared.